See this? This is a vacation. Anything else is just silly and doesn't qualify, according to these two.

As per usual, Kristina had all the sweet hook-ups, thanks to being a travel agent. She and the girls went ahead a week before me (some of us have to work) and spent it in Cancun. When I met up with them we headed 90 minutes south to the coastal town of Tulum and to resort #1 here - Dreams Tulum. This whole area is basically a jungle, and a rapid increase in tourism over the last couple decades has seen over 70 hotels plonked along the Tulum coast (for better or worse). Tulum and the surrounding area is famous for the many centuries-old Mayan ruins scattered around; more on them later.

Also scattered around all over the place are cenotes, which are sinkholes that expose groundwater (the resort decided to stick a fountain in this one). More on them later too.

And there are these big fellas - iguanas. They're littered all over the resort and stare at you intently, and they're littered all over the road and go 'bump-bump' under your wheels.

"Now THIS is vacationing, Mom and Dad!"

After a couple days of soaking up the sun and beach (and food and booze) at the resort, we rented a car for a day to go exploring, as we do. The last time we rented a car abroad was in the Dominican Republic last year and we got into a fender bender haha (not my fault I should add)!

We drove inland from Tulum, passing through many little towns and villages along the way, each displaying their (supposedly) locally-made wares on the roadside.

Our first stop was a group of ruins in the ancient Maya city of Cobá. The first Maya cities developed around 750 BC, and the ruins in Cobá here date back to approximately 500 to 900 AD. Cobá covers a large area, and at its peak was estimated to have had 50,000 inhabitants. They sure knew how to build a good solid pyramid or two!

Our second stop was Suytun Cenote - one of the more impressive cenotes in the area. Cenotes are natural sinkholes created by the collapse of limestone bedrock, exposing the groundwater beneath. The Yucatán Peninsula has over 6,000 cenotes (although according to some estimates there could be as many 10,000), which played a crucial role in the Mayan civilization’s religious and daily life, not least of all supplying water. Suytun Cenote here is underground, with a small opening at the top where sunshine partially shines through. Very cool!

You're only allowed to stay an hour in here before you're told to get lost, which helps to keep the tourists moving through (and makes getting tourist-free photos easier). The water is cold but given it's 90-something F (30-something C) and humid as all fuck outside, it's very refreshing!

Our final stop was the small colonial city of Valladolid, home to about 60,000. The city was originally established by the Spanish in 1543 at a lagoon some distance from the current city. However, the early Spanish settlers bitched and moaned about the mosquitoes and humidity (understandable) and petitioned to have the city moved further inland. So, just two years later, the city was relocated to its current spot, but built atop an existing Mayan town whose buildings were demolished and the stones reused to build this town. Naturally, this pissed the Mayans off something wicked, and many a revolt and riot and bloodshed was enjoyed by all in the years that followed. Good times.

By the time we got here it was getting late in the day and the kids were getting antsy. I ran and sweated around the city center to snap a few photos before we left. On the left is the Templo de San Servacio, a big old Catholic church which was founded in 1545 but demolished and rebuilt in the 1700s after it was "irreparably profaned" (according to Wikipedia) by those pissed-off Mayans. According to the dictionary, "profaned" means to treat something sacred with irreverence or disrespect. In other words, the Spanish felt the Mayans so disrespected their precious cathedral during one their many revolts that the Spanish knocked it down and built another one. What a marvelous time to be alive! The cathedral overlooks the city's central park, which is a real hive of activity with markets everywhere and people milling about. While I was there these four whipped out the boombox and loudspeaker and started dancing. What a marvelous time to be alive!

The family that wears matching swim suits together stays together.

Not too much of that pesky Caribbean seaweed here, on this occasion anyway.

Resort #2 was the Grand Palladium Colonial Resort & Spa, also plonked in the jungle outside the small resort community of Akumal. This site is huge and basically three resorts in one, of which one is adults only (and gave me weird vibes).

Each of the two family resorts had its own massive pool (this photo only shows about a quarter of it, with an awesome swim-up bar on the right).

The resort buildings all have these thatched palm rooves which was a traditional Mayan style back in the day, and one of the resorts is surrounded by one huge cenote. Impressive stuff. There are a lot of fish in there which inspired my dinner choices while we were here.

Another awesome white-sand beach, this one with a gym complete with wooden weights.

Sun's out, guns out!

Aside from the two big pools, there's this little adults-only pool surrounded by jungle, with topless swimming permitted no less (so I did).

I got told off the by the life guard for going down the red slide in the kids' pool. I profaned it.

We only had one day of rain during the entire trip, which was accompanied by a whopping great thunderstorm. Exciting stuff, but we did lose half a day of topless swimming.

Before we left we checked out a few of the on-site activities. I was owned by the jungle mini golf, and Kristina further explored her newfound hobby of archery. Sooner or later she might even hit the target.

Our final destination of the trip was the island of Cozumel, which required a barely-tolerable 45-minute ferry to get there. It was extremely hot and humid inside, and cooler but windy as hell on the upper deck - take your pick. Regardless, it all went south when the boombox and loudspeaker came out again and some dude with a guitar and microphone started belting out some local tunes, much to the enjoyment of the locals but the tourists weren't really digging it.

A 30-minute cab right later and we arrived at resort #3, Dreams Cozumel Cape. Some of these places get wind of the fact that Kristina is a travel agent and pull out the red carpet. In this case, they upgraded us to the biggest nicest room in the joint!

The view from our balcony. Not too shabby! Cozumel is a major cruise ship destination, and a lot of the small boats whipping past in the background are taking cruise passengers to and from various attractions (traps) on the island.

This resort site is another three-in-one situation, with Secrets (adults only) and Sunscape (budget friendly) adjoining Dreams. This is overlooking the Dreams pool, with a swim-up bar out of shot to the right (love those!).

Jade got her arts and crafts on, and her (alcohol-free, we think) piña coladas. Standard.

One of the big draws of Cozumel is the snorkeling and diving. The water is pretty clear around here, the fishies are fun to look at (they appear to think the same about us), and the surrounding coral reef is part of the Mesoamerican Barrier Reef System which is the second-largest reef in the world (behind Australia's Great Barrier Reef).

Our resorts on the left, and the Paradise Beach club a little further along the coast on the right (with big fun inflatables in the water), one of many beach clubs on the island. Cozumel is about 30 miles (48 km) long and 10 miles (16 km) wide. We had planned to rent another car for a day to check it all out, but our plans had to change unfortunately.

More from our balcony. During our first night in Cozumel, Siena started throwing up, and wasn't able to keep any food or fluid down at all the next day. We figured it probably wasn't a big deal - just a 24-hour thing from eating something that didn't agree with her. Well 24 hours came and went, from which point she started throwing up what appeared to be a lot of bile, so we phoned her pediatrician back in the US for some guidance. We were told it could simply be a gastrointestinal bacterial infection and will pass on its own, or because she was throwing up bile it could be something more serious like a blocked intestine which would require an immediate visit to the emergency room. Awesome. Not wanting to be stuck dealing with the worst-case scenario in Mexico, we decided to skip the final two days of the trip and fly home immediately. Thankfully it was all for nothing and Siena was perfectly fine thereafter, but better safe than sorry!